To Protect Them Is Not to Love Them

America needs kids who can handle tough times, especially in this post9/11, post-Hurricane Katrina world. Many issues Americans must face in our schools and cities occur as acts of nature or terrorism. However, our homes give many coping opportunities of their own. Generally, children take their cue on how to deal with such challenges from the adults in the environment they share. Learning how to handle small things — and especially to fail at small things and grow through that affordable experience — is the best way to prepare our children for whatever they may face in the future.
Too many parents confuse love, protection, and caring. These concepts are not synonymous. Parents may refuse to allow their children to fail because they see such a response as uncaring. Thus, they overcompensate with worry and hyper-concern.
What these parents are doing, in reality, is meeting their own selfish needs. They make more work for themselves and will, in the long run, raise children who make their own lives more work. Protection is not synonymous with caring, but both are a part of love.
Let’s look at the way God operates. we’d probably respond, “Sure, God cares a lot about us.” But if we then ask ourselves, “Would He let us jump off a cliff tonight?” we’d all have to admit, “Yeah, now that you mention it, He probably would.” So does He care? Of course, He does! Yet God loves without being overly protective.
Caring for our youngsters doesn’t equate to protective them from each doable trip-up they may build in growing up. Of course, when their child is an infant, responsible parents must respond to him with total protectiveness. Every problem the infant encounters really is the parents’ problem. If parents do not protect the infant, he will die.
However, as children grow — beginning at about nine months of age with straightforward choices — the parents must make a gentle, gradual transition to allowing their children the privilege of solving their own problems. By the time children are eleven or twelve years old, they should be able to make most decisions without parental input. Actually, to be truthful, parental love and attitude determine how children will handle most problems through early adolescence.
For instance, think about a group of mothers watching their toddlers wobble onto the ice during their first time on skates. Once the toddlers make their first inevitable crash on the ice, one group of moms, worried to death at the side of the rink, yells, “Are you hurt?” And the toddlers, scrunching up their face and sliding back toward Mom, say, in that distinctive toddler way, “Yeah, come to think of it, I am hurt.” The other group of moms merely shouts, “Kaboom!” when the children go down, and their youngsters pick themselves up, dust a few flakes off the old bottom, and go on skating, often saying, “Yeah, kaboom!” in agreement.
The second cluster learned from their mistakes, not concentrating on the pain and parental rescue. The problem is, rescuing folks usually rescue out of their own wants.
They like to heal hurts. They are parents who need to be needed, not parents who want to be wanted.
The second cluster learned from their mistakes, not concentrating on the pain and parental rescue. The problem is, rescuing folks usually rescue out of their own wants. They like to heal hurts. They are parents who need to be needed, not parents who want to be wanted.
Children who have been shown love primarily by protection may be irreparably damaged by the time they reach high school. Parents of middle or highschool kids UN agency should concern themselves with vesture, tv habits, homework, teeth brushing, haircuts, and also the like have “at-risk” kids on their hands. At the very least, these children are not going to be much fun for their future spouse.

HELPING CHILDREN TO DEVELOP OTHER TYPES OF PERSONALITY

I Am What I Think You Think I Am